I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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