I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
