he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
