ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
