Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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