i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
