grandma shit on top of the toilet
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
