My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
