Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
