Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
