Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
