woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
