How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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