My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Enjoy the penises
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
