He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
