Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
