please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
