I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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