Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
