I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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