I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
