I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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