i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
