dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
