I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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