Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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