There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
