I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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