i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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