it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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