i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
