Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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