I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
