I cannot find my penis.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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