She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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