sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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