Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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