i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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