First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
