Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
