Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fuck appropriateness.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
