I wanna passion pit in your ass
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
