Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
