I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
