Dual....:-)
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
