she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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