I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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