I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
