considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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