im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
