If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
