It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
