I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
