Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
