OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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